when there is no answer...

     Last night, well, actually early this morning...from 2AM-4AM to be exact, I was up.  Thoughts swirling around in my mind.  Sleep was lost to me.  This has happened before...many a time when I've been doing a lot of thinking or dealing with something that is honestly very stressful.  I'm not sure that it falls into the category of worry...maybe just trying to wrap my mind around something and figure it out...like those high school math problems that I went to bed not understanding but woke up with an epiphany of an answer.  Yes, that was me this morning.

     Only, I have no answer.  Thinking and thinking and thinking and still no answer.  Praying and praying and praying and yet I have no answer.  Oh, I know God heard me because I practically screamed the words into my journal for over an hour.  I know He hears me.  I know He cares.  I know He understands.  And yet, I have no answer. 

     His answers to me are often "wait" and so, here I am, waiting...(no, that was not me stomping my feet).  Yes, waiting...but this waiting isn't just standing or sitting...there is so much to do WHILE I'm waiting.  Things like taking care of my family...and sharing life with my husband...and resting.  He has me in a holding pattern right now...that's ok...because this holding pattern includes a refilling...a refueling...because this plane is on E. 

     So, while I wait, I want to pour my heart out to Him...just like King David did in the Psalms.  He didn't bottle his feelings up, nor did he deny he had feelings at all.  But he did always come back to the promises of God.  For me, pouring out comes easiest with words on a page.  And that is why in the early hours of this morning, I screamed my heart out to the One Who Hears.

     He hears.  He sees.  He understands.  He has a good plan.  He is good.  He will bring good out of suffering.  He is my Defender.  He is my Rock.  He is my Shield.  He covers me with His wings.  He heals.  He can be trusted.  He is just amazing.

"But He knows the way that I take;

when He has tested me, I will come forth as gold."

Job 23:10

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future.  Then you will call upon Me and some and pray to Me, and I will listen to you.  You will seek me and find Me when you seek Me with all your heart.  I will be found by you." ~Jeremiah 29:11-14a

"May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart

be pleasing in Your sight, O LORD, my Rock and my Redeemer."

Psalm 19:14

 

"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been

called according to His purpose."

Romans 8:28

 

"He will cover you with His feathers,

and under His wings you will find refuge;

His faithfulness will be

your shield and rampart."

Psalm 91:4