alone in a full room

walls far from each other
the room filled with
people...
visiting,
laughing together,
catching up on each other's weeks...

she sat alone
a room filled and noisy
yet unaware of her
and the days, week, and months
of sorrow...change

the need to talk
was not hers...
hers was a time
to be silent

a heart broken
a life aware of the
fleeting moments
this life offers...
precious life
so quickly ended...
memories...
blessings

the songs sung
were devoid of comfort
and just represented reminders
of what was no longer

tears leaked...
shoulders shaking...
pushing back the
overwhelming

shadows of truth
speaking of
fulfillment through
things,
substance,
of no worth

she does not believe the lie...
at least she doesn't
want to...
the lie
that what is seen
is it...
that what is seen
determines worth

instead, she sits
clinging to
leaning on
what will last
believing
sight-unseen
of promises given
long ago

steady
slowly
healing to come
tears
open hands
trusting

someday
the unseen
will be seen
the seen
will fall aside

waiting

lost

last night
     nearing dark
little boy lost
     without shoes or coat
cold out
     neighbors walking
calling out his name
     searching in vehicles
walking the neighborhood
     panicked great-grandmother
who had been watching him
     and his 4 sisters
"Is he hiding in the house?"
     "No, I looked"
police and emergency personnel called
     walking with flashlights
ambulance with flashing lights nearby...waiting
     vehicles driving the streets slowly
drivers looking and looking
     lots and lots of prayers
searching pastures and fields
     neighbors' playground sets
and backyards
     looking, looking, looking
more people joining in
     call from my husband
HE IS FOUND!
     drive home
drop off my friend who had called
     sigh...
***************************************
little boy had crawled into
     his great grandparents' bed
and was asleep
     giving thanks
what a wonderful neighborhood!

a letter to Zane

Dear Zane,
     One week ago, the head stone designed by your brother, my husband arrived to mark where your body is resting.  How does one sum up in just a few words what an entire life entailed?  I wish each grave had a book by it...a book written that those walking through the cemetery could read....because each and every person there has a story to tell. 
     We miss you.  We miss you teasing Joshua and Austin.  We miss being able to invite you to watch their games.  We miss going to games to cheer on you as the coach.  We miss having to make food without anything green in it.  We miss having to ask you to turn down the music because you have it up too loud.  We miss seeing you walk to work as we are taking Joshua and Austin to school.  We miss being able to call you and invite you over to enjoy the firepit with us.
     Someone has stopped by and left a few golf balls in the dirt.  You meant so very much to so very many people.  Your family was bigger than who lived within the four walls of your home.  You were loved.
     We are so thankful for the time that we had with you...and we look forward to the day when we will be reunited with you in heaven.  Until then, we grieve our own loss...not yours...because you have gained.
Love to you,
SJJA (Scott, Jennie, Joshua, and Austin)

my prayer today...

Oh, Dearest Jesus...
Today we are thankful...
thankful for breath...
thankful for active,
       loving boys...
thankful for each day
       You give us...
thankful for the change of seasons...
thankful for friends...
thankful for a walk
        with You...
thankful for warm blankets...
thankful for coffee visits...
thankful for memories...

Please hold us close
       as we trust You
              and wait for You to do a mighty work...

You do not give to just take away...
You have a good plan...
You can see the whole picture...
You bring moisture to the desert...
You paint the sky each morning and evening...
You cause the birds to sing
       and the flowers to bloom...
Blessed be Your Name.